Rumors..

They can break you or make you stronger
They can break your heart and make you think longer
They can make you want to go out and shout to the world
All the pain and the hurt it is causing you, putting you in a swirl.

The truth, the lies, its all the same
Cause at the end of the day, you just feel ashamed
Maybe because you actually thought they were true
Or maybe because the knot in your stomach makes you want to

I can't remember the last time I felt the way I do
In a rut, in a bind, with my brain in a batter of glue
What makes me think this way,
As if I have something to worry about?

Why am I freaking out?
As if I dont know what he is all about
He would never do that to me
ever in his life you see.
So why am I doubting him all of a sudden?
Whats wrong with the picture and me?

As I sit here at my computer trying to type what I feel
I can't help but think that this could be real
What if I am wrong, and he is out with her?
What if I'm the fool and didn't catch the signs to concure

There is a bit of confusion in my mind right now,
1 hour turns into 4 and I feel like a clown
Sitting here waiting for him to come home,
not sure what to think, who to call or where to go

Just sitting and thinking is the worst, people may disagree
cause you sit here and your mind wanders of the worst possibilities,
what if you say to yourself your overreacting, and he is just fine,
then the other demon comes in and shakes it out of your mind


Tick tock Tick tock goes the clock that never seems to stop
Why can't I fall asleep and let these demons give up
I close my eyes trying to fall asleep and
The next thing I know I am waking with a blink

I look next to me and to my dismay
I found no body to cuddle with today
I guess the demons get their way
for yet I go without him for another day

If I were a boy...

If I were a boy even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted
And go drink beer with the guys

And chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
And I'd never get confronted for it
'Cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I'd put myself first
And make the rules as I go
'Cause I know that she'd be faithful
Waiting for me to come home, to come home

Knot in my stomach..

Do you ever get a knot in your stomach or feel your heart rate go up for no apparent reason? You seem irritated or upset about something, but you have no emotion or recollection of being upset or anything. J's phone either isn't working or he is ignoring me. I am going to assume either he is asleep because he is in a car and he is really tired from today. I hate how sometimes he doesn't get my txts. It drives me nuts. He gets everyone else's but mine. I trust him, but little things like him not answering me when he is with K and F, kinda upsets me. I know I have no reason to not believe that he isn't where he says he is, it just upsets me when I don't hear from him. I am not trying to make it so that he has a leash on him. He is a human being.. I don't want him to feel suffocated. To be honest writing this is making me feel better. I love him and nothing will ever change that. My birthday is this week and i am super excited about tomorrow! :) I dont really know what's going on with my birthday day, I am not going to assume I am going to be alone, I really dont think that J would do that to me. He knows my birthday is important to me.

Trust

It's a really hard word to explain. TRUST. You have to have trust in the person your with or else there is no relationship. You have to trust that you are the only one they wanna be with. You have to trust that they are where they say they are. TRUST. Such a hard word to explain, yet everyone goes through an issue with it at some point. Can I trust my neighbor not to break into my house and steal everything? Can I trust my best friend not to tell anyone a secret? TRUST. An important word with so many different meanings, but no real meaning to it. You gotta take the word trust and make it what you want it to mean.