Moving on

How do you move on when your heart tells you to hold on? How do you let someone go, after you have been waiting so long. Its never easy to let go.. It’s never easy to walk away from someone. It takes a lot of courage to walk away. To kiss the way you felt goodbye and just move on. You have been told over and over again, its not going to work out, yet everyone around you is telling you different and you don’t know who to believe. Normally when someone asks you why you like someone you have an answer, but for this particular person, I didn’t have one. Someone asked me and all I could say was “He is amazing”. I couldn’t come up with a reason why I wanted to be with him. Yea he is gorgeous and has a great body. Maybe I like him because of the way he looks, but I have never been one to go on looks. I always find the person inside as the thing that makes my heart flutter. The type of guy who would do anything for you and just be there whenever you needed a shoulder to cry on.


That’s another thing. I can be a bit too emotional at times, I can be a bit out of my element at times and it seems that when I am, I feel guilty for feeling that way. Why should you feel guilty about being who you are? If someone cant respect who you are, as you are. Then they are not worth the time, especially in a relationship. You should never change who you are so that someone will date you because of those changes. Like for example, I’m a heavier woman. I’m not fat and I’m not skinny, I am kinda in the middle. I happened to have found a certain guy who wanted a size 3 or smaller and then he automatically would pick them to be with because of their size. So automatically I wanted to be that size, but then I thought to myself, if I change my size for this one guy, who’s to say he will still want me? Or ever want me for that matter? You cant change the way you are to date someone. You need to be who you are and have someone love you for all your pros and cons. Ok so maybe you chew with your mouth open, maybe you pop your gum, whatever it may be, it’s a part of you. So be you! End of story!

 

Forgotten for a while...

Its tough when you cant see when your being used.  You think you know someone and you realize that apparently they are not who you thought they were. You sever all communication for a bit because of the fights you keep having and the pain you are causing one another and you then realize a month later that the holidays came and went and here you are trying to figure out how you let yourself get to the point of being used that bad. Where you couldn't say no even if you wanted to. Where it was always what they needed and not what you wanted or needed. The resentment builds until one day you explode. I loved this person very much and here she is pretending as though I never existed. No Merry Christmas, no Happy New Year, no communication at all. All because I couldn't make time to hang out with her. I know what your thinking, if you really care for someone you will make time for them. Honestly I was tired of the drama and constant emergency's that kept coming up, (mind you, they were not actual emergency's)  plus I started a relationship that was a full time commitment. Sometimes I wonder if the entire 2 years that I was friends with her, if it was a cover for the loss of a friend that I lost before she came around. Well I guess I will never know.